I do not think it has ever struck her that some women вЂ“ like Tade, who live and have sex with their husbands вЂ“ derive more pleasure when they touch themselves and explore their own bodies. Masturbation should be a last resort, something that should be done when you are desperately in need of sex and your husband is not available. For her, masturbation is something women do вЂ“ or should do вЂ“ when thereвЂ™s an unavailability of a manвЂ™s penis. It is clear that Jane does not think much of masturbation. When she said, вЂњThe person and I had a deep discussion that led to this revelation,вЂќ I imagined the lady telling her she masturbates in whispers and her eyes bulging, like someone who had discovered something grand.ДЄs Jane and I talked, Tade said, вЂњI never tried it when I was single.вЂќ Then I asked, вЂњNow nko?вЂќ Before she replied, Jane chipped in, вЂњWhy will she try it now when her husband dey gidigba?вЂќ Like something you only say to special people. Unlike Rachel, Jane made masturbation sound like a big deal. When I asked her to link me up so I could have a chat with this bestie, she said, вЂњAh no o, it is too private.вЂќ Then Jane (note that all names here are pseudonyms) said, вЂњI tried it twice, it didnвЂ™t make sense and I felt stupid afterward.вЂќ Then she said she has a bestie who masturbates very regularly because her husband is not in Nigeria. Except you are among your geng, you do not throw the word masturbation anyhow if you do not want people staring at you, brows furrowed, mouth twitching, or calling Jesus to intervene in your matter.ДЄfter reading the excerpt, I rushed to my Friends Forever WhatsApp group, which had died a natural death, and asked, вЂњGuys, do you masturbate?вЂќ At first, everywhere was silent.

Ours is a more conservative society, so as I read through each sentence of her essay, I found myself admiring how she talked about her masturbation so brazenly вЂ“ like it is a very normal thing, like eating ice cream. In her book excerpt, she shared how the curiosity to discover the meaning of the word orgasm led her to the front of a large mirror, her legs spread-eagled on the floor, her clitoris looking like the big nose of an old man, and her fingers moving slowly at first, rubbing, massaging until, in five minutes, she found the meaning of the big O. Rachel had enjoyed masturbating since she was a teenager.

Flick my bean